Your project is so creative! I love that it is centered around Kamadeva, first of all, because we don't see much of her life in the epics so I like how you tied it in to the Ramayana and the love lives in it. I also like that you decided to make a diary out of it! I loved reading the first entry; it kept me very engaged and I found it amusing when it said that she blew too much passion in Sita's direction. I just noticed some grammar errors in there; I'll point out a few that are easily fixable :)
"caviler" should be "cavalier" // "Being the most powerfully god" should be "being the most powerful god" // "breathed a little to heavily" should be "too" instead of "to"
Those are easily fixable things! Otherwise, I really really enjoyed your first part of the project. Your ideas are really creative and you even brought up Aphrodite and Eros! Will those characters play a role in the rest of the stories?? I cannot wait to read more of the diaries :)
I really enjoyed looking around at your project! I thought you Introduction was awesome. It gave a lot of good background info on Kamadeva that is important to know before reading your stories! I think that it could maybe be helpful to give your readers a little bit more of an idea what they are about to read. I know you said it would be about Kamadeva’s opinions on the romances of the great epics. But, I thought it could be helpful to maybe throw in a few examples of what you will be talking about! As for your first story, I thought the diary idea was so good. Writing from the perspective of Kamadeva is actually such a neat idea! I really enjoyed your writing style and the short bits of humor you threw in there. The only critique I have is that I did notice a couple grammar and spelling mistakes. But those are no big deal to fix!
I love that you are going to be exploring the god Kamadeva in your storybook! He seems to pop up every now and then in the readings, but there is never too much detail about him. Having an outline of his background, traits, and relations in your introduction definitely helps give an idea of who Kamadeva is for whomever may not know of him or needs a refresher. I also like his kind of sarcastic/ditsy personality he has in the first diary entry. It adds a nice bit of humor. The connection with Aphrodite and possibly other deities outside of the Hindu pantheon also adds a bit more to the dimension to the world in which your stories take place. I think the others before me already mentioned this, but I think I saw a spelling error in just one place in your introduction and a few missing commas in your first story. Nonetheless, I love the work you have so far! I am excited to see how you continue to develop Kamadeva!
Hi Elizabeth! I really think your idea to explore the god Kamadeva in your stories is super creative. The background facts that you gave in the introduction really helps the reader get an idea of what kind of character Kamadeva is and what kind of personality he has. Your choice to write it as a diary entry is also really effective - it really allows you to delve into his character well. One thing I would recommend is perhaps expanding on the characters of Vishnu and Lakshmi in your diary entry, so as to give the reader more of a background. Great job on your introduction and first story so far, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Hi Elizabeth! I am so intrigued by your idea to make your storybook a diary written by the God of Love. It is so creative and a great way to put a backstory on why Rama and Sita are so obsessed with each other and the consequences the God of Love can create. I really that she recognizes that she probably made them a little too passionate about each other, but at the same is just like "oh well, better luck next time". She seems like such a fun character to develop and I am truly looking forward to reading more of her diary entries. I cannot wait to see what kind of great love she conjures for Lakshamana. I think you definitely captured both a serious tone and a sarcastic one. It's kind of like her sarcasm is her defense mechanism around the mistakes she's made. I think you did a wonderful job with this story and I look forward to reading more of them in the future!
Hey Elizabeth! You're definitely off to a great start on your storybook. It's definitely a very unique idea, and I really like that you're using Kamadeva as the storyteller through his diary. The introduction is fantastic at introducing your storybook and where you plan to go with it. I'm appreciative that you provided the background information here, they're very helpful! I did notice a few typos in the first diary entry: "than most the other --> than most of the other," "Being the most powerfully God ==> most powerful." There were a few others, but those are easy fixes when you re-read your story again. :) My one suggestion at the end of the first story would be to create some sort of cliff-hanger that could lead into your next story. Maybe give the readers a hint at what will happen next story with a line leaving so many questions? Anyways, great job! I can't wait to continue reading your storybook as you add to it!
Hi Elizabeth! I think that your storybook is off to a really good start. It was very entertaining! Your introduction did an excellent job of introducing the character and laying out background on Kamadeva and the direction that your story is going to take. I like that you made him aware of deities from other traditions. Your first story was great and I could really hear the voice that you gave your character. There was a mix of too much confidence with a bit of uncertainty that was charming. I saw a few simple typos, such as weck instead of wreak and cavalier was misspelled. The story itself was really solid, creative, and very entertaining. I can't wait to read more. Good luck!
Hello Elizabeth. Going the diary route is an excellent choice. That type of first person perspective can help people connect with the storyteller. The way you wrote it had me visualizing Kamadeva laying there writing in the diary while remembering the events. Having not read many of these stories I really did not know much about any of the characters. Possibly adding something into the story to help a reader understand some more about the characters would help. The ending of the story should be something leading up to the next entry, it could be an event happening while the diary is being written or something that happened right after but was seen in the perspective of the storyteller. With these things added it would make the story a little longer but would help people who don't read these types of stories connect with it more. Other than that it is a great story.
Hi Elizabeth! I am from the Mythology and Folklore section so it was really exciting for me to read some Indian Epics Stories! I really like your blog layout and design, and I think your premise of your storybook is really cool! Having it be a diary from the god of love is super neat. It is funny to imagine Kamadeva just writing in his diary at night! I thought it was sweet how he made sure that Rama and Sita still ended up together even as humans! I thought it was funny how he made Sita have a little too much infatuation for Rama but he was all like "Whoops! Oh well!" I like Kamadeva's sense of pride and his style of writing, it is really entertaining! I think you did a really good job with your story and keep it up! I hope I get to read your stories in the future!
Elizabeth, I like your storybook so far! I think the idea of Love and Desire being impersonated is very creative. I must admit, this wide variety of gods can be confusing at times, but I think you did a really good job of explaining everything and maintaining distinctions. I also liked your hint in the introduction that although Love and Desire are married and might sound similar to most people, they will actually have differing feelings about some of the occurrences. This sounds like some interesting foreshadowing! In your first story, “I am awesome at my job,” I do have some questions and ideas about the tone. First, you did a good job of making this character personable. However, I am a little confuse on the tone of this entry. He starts off sounding very nonchalant, then he says that he doesn’t mean to sound cavalier, but then his nonchalance returns toward the end of the entry. Perhaps this is intentional? If so, I am curious about what message you are trying to convey through this! And if not, it might add some consistency to the story to either maintain his cavalier perspective throughout the entire thing, or to maintain a serious tone after he states that he takes his job seriously. Additionally, I think that the images that you have added so far are awesome! It might add even more imagery to your story to incorporate several more images. Great work!
Hi Elizabeth! Your story book is very creative! Great job asking questions in your introduction to get your audience thinking! I also love that you provided a short summary of each diary that we are going to be reading! This idea is very creative, and you page is set up to go with your idea nicely. I enjoyed reading your first diary entry! The first paragraph sets up the story with a very personal tone. I feel like I am actually reading someone's diary! My favorite part was in your last paragraph when you said you thought about asking other gods of love for advice. It makes the story real and though this is an actual person with friendships and emotions. Great job! I look forward to reading the rest of your diary entries!
I really like your project so far. You did a great job with the introduction providing the necessary backstory for what was to come. You did a fantastic job on your first story, and I like that you included Sita's irrational and sometimes suicidal decision making, providing a reason for why she thinks that way. There are a few missing commas in this story (one in your second paragraph and one in your fifth), but it's certainly nothing big. You also did a great job on your third story and I like how you continued with the topic of Rama and Sita's relationship. I think a story about Lakshmana's love life, which you mentioned in your first story would make for a very interesting read, but I would imagine that it could be a little difficult if you were wanting to stay with the original story of the Ramayanam, as I remember there being just a few mentions of Lakshmana's wives.
Hi again, Brianna! I REALLY love the aesthetics that you have with each of your storybook pages - it's really coming along well. The second diary entry, titled "Rama is the worst" - I have no criticism of it, and also found no grammatical errors. I thought it flowed very smoothly, and the critical message behind it was wonderful. Even through the unique an unconventional perspective of Kamadeva, the main idea of the original story was kept strongly intact. Reading your author's note about that story, I was actually quite pleased that you decided to acknowledge Rama's failure toward Sita from the perspective of Kamadeva - I thought the paradox was very unique, since it seems to implicitly place the failure on Kamadeva, whose task was to ensure there was proper love between Rama and Sita. You even acknowledge this implicit notion in your story, as Kamadeva takes some credit for the disaster! The strong emotions of Kamadeva were very apparent with the wording, as well. Overall, I think that your storytelling was beautiful!
First of all, I love the design and title of your project. As ever other girl would be, I was attracted to the love story aspect in your title. I'm a sucker for a great love story! The image on your home page was beautiful; it made me want to read your stories. My project was through the perspective of Yama, so I loved that yours was similar (coming from the perspective of Kamadeva). This really gives readers her inside feelings and thought on each story! My favorite was the one between Rama and Sita; this has been my favorite couple in this class, and you gave a great new interpretation of their relationship. Thank you so much for your stories; I can't wait to come back and see the final product!
Hi Elizabeth! I came back to see what you've added to your storybook. Your introduction and first story were so good, I was excited to see what else you've included. I love your second story about Rama and Sita. I fully agree, Rama is the worst! I was happy that you had Kamadeva be just as disgusted with Rama's actions as I was. That really bothered me in the Ramayana, I just couldn't look past it. I very much enjoy getting this sort of glimpse into the inner thought processes of the god of love...it's certainly a unique perspective! This is such a great storybook, and I'm really looking forward to how it ends!
I am glad I stumbled upon your portfolio page! I liked the setup of your portfolio. It is always interesting to read someones diary! In my own opinion! I think that if you could find pictures/images that are sketched like someone would draw in their own diary to put in your stories ; that would be pretty cool! I like the pictures that you have chosen now but I think sketched pictures would add more character to your diary stories! I could tell that you wanted to stay true to the original story even though you are telling the stories from the point of view of Kamadeva. When I first got to your page I was actually surprised and interested in how you were going to tell your stories from the point of view of Kamadeva. However, you have done a great job!
As usual, I loved your story. I think knowing you also makes me enjoy reading your stories more, because I can actually imagine you reading the story to me. Especially in a story like, "Rama is the worst." That story had Elizabeth written all over it, because I know you believed all of those things as you read that part of the Ramayana.
The writing for the stories are great. It really does feel as if the reader has gotten their hands on the diary of this character. I'm glad you chose to keep the story style less serious as you wrote story #2. It really stays true to the character you have created.
One thing I noticed in Rama is the worst was a sentence that I think got worded strangely on accident
"She told me that she has been more consistent than checking in on Rama and Sita than I have."
I think you meant something along the lines of "She told me she has been more consistent on checking in on Rama and Sita than I have been"
Hey Elizabeth, First off, I think the diary format works perfectly for this kind of assignment. Especially when that diary belongs to a god character. I think it allows for a uniquely personal perspective that definitely came across in your writing. As far as the introduction goes I thought the numbered list of notes was a bit clunky in execution but I did find each of the tidbits of information quite useful. I did however really like how it explained the diary from a third person perspective, it helps to acclimate the reader to what is going on. I like how the God directly talks to the diary. It makes the stories feel very personal, like I'm just listening to a friend tell a story.
I thought your project was so awesome! I really like the idea of doing a diary, especially about love stories! I enjoyed the layout of your project, however, I think it would maybe be helpful to include a sort of Table of Contents on your Home page. If you do that, you can put the story’s full title in the Table of Contents so that you could maybe just put “Diary #1, Diary #2,” etc. on the little tabs. If you do that, you wouldn’t have to try to fit the story’s entire title in the tabs and you wouldn’t have a tab that says “more…” but I suppose that could just be personal preference. Aside from that, I really have no other ideas or critiques. I thought you stories were really great and well-written. I also thought that you chose some really cool pictures to help visualize your stories.
This is my first time reading through your project. You did a good job on including diaries to the project to help us see insights of Kamadeva. It was good to see his views of the first origin of love for Rama and Sita. The you continued on with the original story of Sita disappearing and adding the god of love's thoughts on that incident. This worked out well for you as there were many incidents where the love between Rama and Sita was tested in the epics. One suggestion that I have is maybe add pictures of love or change the background to make it fell like the stories are based on love. Another thing would be to also share a brief overview of all the diaries in the introduction to let readers know what each story will be focusing on. Overall great job and I hope to read more from you in the future.
I love that you decided to do a diary format on your project. I have seen other people do that idea, and I think it is such a great way to give new and deeper perspective on the epics characters, as the original stories do not always divulge into their thoughts and feelings. In your first story/diary entry I was able to see the way you were styling your project. In your entries, I think you should sign with the characters name at the end to made it feel more like a diary. It would also be cool to do this, because each day could have been a different entry from a different character from the same epic story. This would have given everyone’s perspective in the same format. I thought the entry about Rama being the worst was funny, as it made them seem so childish and silly. Great work!
Hi Elizabeth! I just read your third story, and it was great. I liked that it had a slightly different tone from your earlier stories, which you addressed in your author's note by explaining that Kamadeva was tired from all the recent drama. I think it worked out narratively to have the third story be a slight change of pace. It works as a sort of lull before the climax. It made the overall storybook more interesting by providing a slight change of pace. Really great job!
Hey Elizabeth. First of all, I would like to start by saying that I really liked the diary format that you chose to do for your storybook. I also like how you chose to do it from Kamadeva’s point of view. Your introduction was very helpful in not only introducing your storybook, but also introducing Kamadeva and his wife and his background story. I also like how your stories always point out everything that is wrong with some of the love relationships that we have read about in the stories in this class. I think probably my favorite story was the second one because I had some of the same thoughts about that story. All in all, they were good stories. I hope you have a good rest of the semester. Good luck with your finals.
Hey Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteYour project is so creative! I love that it is centered around Kamadeva, first of all, because we don't see much of her life in the epics so I like how you tied it in to the Ramayana and the love lives in it. I also like that you decided to make a diary out of it! I loved reading the first entry; it kept me very engaged and I found it amusing when it said that she blew too much passion in Sita's direction. I just noticed some grammar errors in there; I'll point out a few that are easily fixable :)
"caviler" should be "cavalier" // "Being the most powerfully god" should be "being the most powerful god" // "breathed a little to heavily" should be "too" instead of "to"
Those are easily fixable things! Otherwise, I really really enjoyed your first part of the project. Your ideas are really creative and you even brought up Aphrodite and Eros! Will those characters play a role in the rest of the stories?? I cannot wait to read more of the diaries :)
Hey Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed looking around at your project! I thought you Introduction was awesome. It gave a lot of good background info on Kamadeva that is important to know before reading your stories! I think that it could maybe be helpful to give your readers a little bit more of an idea what they are about to read. I know you said it would be about Kamadeva’s opinions on the romances of the great epics. But, I thought it could be helpful to maybe throw in a few examples of what you will be talking about! As for your first story, I thought the diary idea was so good. Writing from the perspective of Kamadeva is actually such a neat idea! I really enjoyed your writing style and the short bits of humor you threw in there. The only critique I have is that I did notice a couple grammar and spelling mistakes. But those are no big deal to fix!
Hi Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteI love that you are going to be exploring the god Kamadeva in your storybook! He seems to pop up every now and then in the readings, but there is never too much detail about him. Having an outline of his background, traits, and relations in your introduction definitely helps give an idea of who Kamadeva is for whomever may not know of him or needs a refresher. I also like his kind of sarcastic/ditsy personality he has in the first diary entry. It adds a nice bit of humor. The connection with Aphrodite and possibly other deities outside of the Hindu pantheon also adds a bit more to the dimension to the world in which your stories take place. I think the others before me already mentioned this, but I think I saw a spelling error in just one place in your introduction and a few missing commas in your first story. Nonetheless, I love the work you have so far! I am excited to see how you continue to develop Kamadeva!
Hi Elizabeth! I really think your idea to explore the god Kamadeva in your stories is super creative. The background facts that you gave in the introduction really helps the reader get an idea of what kind of character Kamadeva is and what kind of personality he has. Your choice to write it as a diary entry is also really effective - it really allows you to delve into his character well. One thing I would recommend is perhaps expanding on the characters of Vishnu and Lakshmi in your diary entry, so as to give the reader more of a background. Great job on your introduction and first story so far, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth! I am so intrigued by your idea to make your storybook a diary written by the God of Love. It is so creative and a great way to put a backstory on why Rama and Sita are so obsessed with each other and the consequences the God of Love can create. I really that she recognizes that she probably made them a little too passionate about each other, but at the same is just like "oh well, better luck next time". She seems like such a fun character to develop and I am truly looking forward to reading more of her diary entries. I cannot wait to see what kind of great love she conjures for Lakshamana. I think you definitely captured both a serious tone and a sarcastic one. It's kind of like her sarcasm is her defense mechanism around the mistakes she's made. I think you did a wonderful job with this story and I look forward to reading more of them in the future!
ReplyDeleteHey Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteYou're definitely off to a great start on your storybook. It's definitely a very unique idea, and I really like that you're using Kamadeva as the storyteller through his diary. The introduction is fantastic at introducing your storybook and where you plan to go with it. I'm appreciative that you provided the background information here, they're very helpful! I did notice a few typos in the first diary entry: "than most the other --> than most of the other," "Being the most powerfully God ==> most powerful." There were a few others, but those are easy fixes when you re-read your story again. :) My one suggestion at the end of the first story would be to create some sort of cliff-hanger that could lead into your next story. Maybe give the readers a hint at what will happen next story with a line leaving so many questions?
Anyways, great job! I can't wait to continue reading your storybook as you add to it!
Hi Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteI think that your storybook is off to a really good start. It was very entertaining! Your introduction did an excellent job of introducing the character and laying out background on Kamadeva and the direction that your story is going to take. I like that you made him aware of deities from other traditions. Your first story was great and I could really hear the voice that you gave your character. There was a mix of too much confidence with a bit of uncertainty that was charming. I saw a few simple typos, such as weck instead of wreak and cavalier was misspelled. The story itself was really solid, creative, and very entertaining. I can't wait to read more. Good luck!
Hello Elizabeth.
ReplyDeleteGoing the diary route is an excellent choice. That type of first person perspective can help people connect with the storyteller. The way you wrote it had me visualizing Kamadeva laying there writing in the diary while remembering the events. Having not read many of these stories I really did not know much about any of the characters. Possibly adding something into the story to help a reader understand some more about the characters would help. The ending of the story should be something leading up to the next entry, it could be an event happening while the diary is being written or something that happened right after but was seen in the perspective of the storyteller. With these things added it would make the story a little longer but would help people who don't read these types of stories connect with it more. Other than that it is a great story.
Hi Elizabeth! I am from the Mythology and Folklore section so it was really exciting for me to read some Indian Epics Stories! I really like your blog layout and design, and I think your premise of your storybook is really cool! Having it be a diary from the god of love is super neat. It is funny to imagine Kamadeva just writing in his diary at night! I thought it was sweet how he made sure that Rama and Sita still ended up together even as humans! I thought it was funny how he made Sita have a little too much infatuation for Rama but he was all like "Whoops! Oh well!" I like Kamadeva's sense of pride and his style of writing, it is really entertaining! I think you did a really good job with your story and keep it up! I hope I get to read your stories in the future!
ReplyDeleteElizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI like your storybook so far! I think the idea of Love and Desire being impersonated is very creative. I must admit, this wide variety of gods can be confusing at times, but I think you did a really good job of explaining everything and maintaining distinctions.
I also liked your hint in the introduction that although Love and Desire are married and might sound similar to most people, they will actually have differing feelings about some of the occurrences. This sounds like some interesting foreshadowing!
In your first story, “I am awesome at my job,” I do have some questions and ideas about the tone. First, you did a good job of making this character personable. However, I am a little confuse on the tone of this entry. He starts off sounding very nonchalant, then he says that he doesn’t mean to sound cavalier, but then his nonchalance returns toward the end of the entry. Perhaps this is intentional? If so, I am curious about what message you are trying to convey through this! And if not, it might add some consistency to the story to either maintain his cavalier perspective throughout the entire thing, or to maintain a serious tone after he states that he takes his job seriously.
Additionally, I think that the images that you have added so far are awesome! It might add even more imagery to your story to incorporate several more images. Great work!
Hi Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteYour story book is very creative! Great job asking questions in your introduction to get your audience thinking! I also love that you provided a short summary of each diary that we are going to be reading! This idea is very creative, and you page is set up to go with your idea nicely.
I enjoyed reading your first diary entry! The first paragraph sets up the story with a very personal tone. I feel like I am actually reading someone's diary! My favorite part was in your last paragraph when you said you thought about asking other gods of love for advice. It makes the story real and though this is an actual person with friendships and emotions. Great job! I look forward to reading the rest of your diary entries!
Hi Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteI really like your project so far. You did a great job with the introduction providing the necessary backstory for what was to come. You did a fantastic job on your first story, and I like that you included Sita's irrational and sometimes suicidal decision making, providing a reason for why she thinks that way. There are a few missing commas in this story (one in your second paragraph and one in your fifth), but it's certainly nothing big.
You also did a great job on your third story and I like how you continued with the topic of Rama and Sita's relationship. I think a story about Lakshmana's love life, which you mentioned in your first story would make for a very interesting read, but I would imagine that it could be a little difficult if you were wanting to stay with the original story of the Ramayanam, as I remember there being just a few mentions of Lakshmana's wives.
Great job so far!
Hi again, Brianna! I REALLY love the aesthetics that you have with each of your storybook pages - it's really coming along well. The second diary entry, titled "Rama is the worst" - I have no criticism of it, and also found no grammatical errors. I thought it flowed very smoothly, and the critical message behind it was wonderful. Even through the unique an unconventional perspective of Kamadeva, the main idea of the original story was kept strongly intact. Reading your author's note about that story, I was actually quite pleased that you decided to acknowledge Rama's failure toward Sita from the perspective of Kamadeva - I thought the paradox was very unique, since it seems to implicitly place the failure on Kamadeva, whose task was to ensure there was proper love between Rama and Sita. You even acknowledge this implicit notion in your story, as Kamadeva takes some credit for the disaster! The strong emotions of Kamadeva were very apparent with the wording, as well. Overall, I think that your storytelling was beautiful!
ReplyDeleteElizabeth,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love the design and title of your project. As ever other girl would be, I was attracted to the love story aspect in your title. I'm a sucker for a great love story! The image on your home page was beautiful; it made me want to read your stories.
My project was through the perspective of Yama, so I loved that yours was similar (coming from the perspective of Kamadeva). This really gives readers her inside feelings and thought on each story! My favorite was the one between Rama and Sita; this has been my favorite couple in this class, and you gave a great new interpretation of their relationship. Thank you so much for your stories; I can't wait to come back and see the final product!
Hi Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteI came back to see what you've added to your storybook. Your introduction and first story were so good, I was excited to see what else you've included. I love your second story about Rama and Sita. I fully agree, Rama is the worst! I was happy that you had Kamadeva be just as disgusted with Rama's actions as I was. That really bothered me in the Ramayana, I just couldn't look past it. I very much enjoy getting this sort of glimpse into the inner thought processes of the god of love...it's certainly a unique perspective! This is such a great storybook, and I'm really looking forward to how it ends!
Hello Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI am glad I stumbled upon your portfolio page! I liked the setup of your portfolio. It is always interesting to read someones diary! In my own opinion! I think that if you could find pictures/images that are sketched like someone would draw in their own diary to put in your stories ; that would be pretty cool! I like the pictures that you have chosen now but I think sketched pictures would add more character to your diary stories! I could tell that you wanted to stay true to the original story even though you are telling the stories from the point of view of Kamadeva. When I first got to your page I was actually surprised and interested in how you were going to tell your stories from the point of view of Kamadeva. However, you have done a great job!
Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteAs usual, I loved your story. I think knowing you also makes me enjoy reading your stories more, because I can actually imagine you reading the story to me. Especially in a story like, "Rama is the worst." That story had Elizabeth written all over it, because I know you believed all of those things as you read that part of the Ramayana.
The writing for the stories are great. It really does feel as if the reader has gotten their hands on the diary of this character. I'm glad you chose to keep the story style less serious as you wrote story #2. It really stays true to the character you have created.
One thing I noticed in Rama is the worst was a sentence that I think got worded strangely on accident
"She told me that she has been more consistent than checking in on Rama and Sita than I have."
I think you meant something along the lines of "She told me she has been more consistent on checking in on Rama and Sita than I have been"
keep up the great work!!
Hey Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I think the diary format works perfectly for this kind of assignment. Especially when that diary belongs to a god character. I think it allows for a uniquely personal perspective that definitely came across in your writing.
As far as the introduction goes I thought the numbered list of notes was a bit clunky in execution but I did find each of the tidbits of information quite useful. I did however really like how it explained the diary from a third person perspective, it helps to acclimate the reader to what is going on.
I like how the God directly talks to the diary. It makes the stories feel very personal, like I'm just listening to a friend tell a story.
Hey Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteI thought your project was so awesome! I really like the idea of doing a diary, especially about love stories! I enjoyed the layout of your project, however, I think it would maybe be helpful to include a sort of Table of Contents on your Home page. If you do that, you can put the story’s full title in the Table of Contents so that you could maybe just put “Diary #1, Diary #2,” etc. on the little tabs. If you do that, you wouldn’t have to try to fit the story’s entire title in the tabs and you wouldn’t have a tab that says “more…” but I suppose that could just be personal preference. Aside from that, I really have no other ideas or critiques. I thought you stories were really great and well-written. I also thought that you chose some really cool pictures to help visualize your stories.
Hey Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time reading through your project. You did a good job on including diaries to the project to help us see insights of Kamadeva. It was good to see his views of the first origin of love for Rama and Sita. The you continued on with the original story of Sita disappearing and adding the god of love's thoughts on that incident. This worked out well for you as there were many incidents where the love between Rama and Sita was tested in the epics. One suggestion that I have is maybe add pictures of love or change the background to make it fell like the stories are based on love. Another thing would be to also share a brief overview of all the diaries in the introduction to let readers know what each story will be focusing on. Overall great job and I hope to read more from you in the future.
Hi Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI love that you decided to do a diary format on your project. I have seen other people do that idea, and I think it is such a great way to give new and deeper perspective on the epics characters, as the original stories do not always divulge into their thoughts and feelings. In your first story/diary entry I was able to see the way you were styling your project. In your entries, I think you should sign with the characters name at the end to made it feel more like a diary. It would also be cool to do this, because each day could have been a different entry from a different character from the same epic story. This would have given everyone’s perspective in the same format. I thought the entry about Rama being the worst was funny, as it made them seem so childish and silly. Great work!
Hi Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteI just read your third story, and it was great. I liked that it had a slightly different tone from your earlier stories, which you addressed in your author's note by explaining that Kamadeva was tired from all the recent drama. I think it worked out narratively to have the third story be a slight change of pace. It works as a sort of lull before the climax. It made the overall storybook more interesting by providing a slight change of pace. Really great job!
Hey Elizabeth.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I would like to start by saying that I really liked the diary format that you chose to do for your storybook. I also like how you chose to do it from Kamadeva’s point of view. Your introduction was very helpful in not only introducing your storybook, but also introducing Kamadeva and his wife and his background story. I also like how your stories always point out everything that is wrong with some of the love relationships that we have read about in the stories in this class. I think probably my favorite story was the second one because I had some of the same thoughts about that story. All in all, they were good stories. I hope you have a good rest of the semester. Good luck with your finals.